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The top advice for new parents these days is, ‘be very careful what you say’ - JEFFREY JORDAN
As my wife and I eagerly await the arrival of our first child, we have received an abundance of advice from family members, friends and even complete strangers.
Well aware that I don’t know the first thing about raising a child, I try to listen intently to every ounce of information offered.
One piece of such advice from a friend of ours stands out in particular. And it really has me worried too.
“Be careful what you say around her,” she told us. “Kids will get you in trouble,”
I’m sure most parents have embarrassing stories to tell about their children repeating something they heard Mom or Dad say at the most inappropriate times.
For example:
It was Easter Sunday and the preacher asked all the children to come to the front of the auditorium for a special Bible story. As the kids gathered around, the preacher leaned down to one little girl and kindly commented on her attire.
“Don’t you look pretty,” he said. “Is that your Easter dress?”
“Yes it is,” the little girl replied directly into the preacher’s lapel microphone. “And Mommy says it’s a b---- to iron.”
I don’t think I ever embarrassed my parents with any profanity-laced remarks in public. If that ever took place, it was much later in life and they weren’t the ones to blame.
I did, however, reveal my parent’s late-night television viewing habits one time – in an unintentional way, of course – and the fact that I may have been viewing along with them.
I couldn’t have been four years old yet when my Sunday school teacher was telling the class about Peter denying Christ three times and the subsequent crowing of the rooster.
In an effort to see if the full implications the famous story made sense to us, the teacher asked for feed-back from the class.
“Jeffrey, why do you think Peter would do that to Jesus,” she asked. “What would make him say such things?
Instantly, I knew I had the right answer. I clasped my hands together, raised my eyebrows, squished my lips together and delivered a dead-on Church Lady impression the likes of which Dana Carvey himself would have been proud of.
“Could it be … SATAN,” I answered.
The teacher must have been a Saturday Night Live fan herself. She couldn’t help but smile. And in my defense, the answer was correct.
My brother delivered the punch line in a similar Sunday school story. This time, the teacher was helping her students memorize the books of the New Testament. When it was my brother’s turn to recite them orally he deviated just a bit from our traditional translation of the four Gospel accounts.
“Matthew … Mark … Luke … and heeeeeeeeeers Johnny,” he said.
The teacher cut him off before he could get to Acts.
Don’t let the late night TV renditions of Bible stories fool you. My parents ran a pretty tight ship when raising my brother and me. I guess “bed-time” was just one rule they had a hard time enforcing. It must have been easier to just let us sit quietly and watch Johnny Carson or SNL than it was to scream and holler for us to go to bed.
That reminds me of another bit of advice offered to us in the past few months.
“Choose your battles wisely.”
Jeffrey Jordan is the advertising director of The Terrell Tribune.
Well aware that I don’t know the first thing about raising a child, I try to listen intently to every ounce of information offered.
One piece of such advice from a friend of ours stands out in particular. And it really has me worried too.
“Be careful what you say around her,” she told us. “Kids will get you in trouble,”
I’m sure most parents have embarrassing stories to tell about their children repeating something they heard Mom or Dad say at the most inappropriate times.
For example:
It was Easter Sunday and the preacher asked all the children to come to the front of the auditorium for a special Bible story. As the kids gathered around, the preacher leaned down to one little girl and kindly commented on her attire.
“Don’t you look pretty,” he said. “Is that your Easter dress?”
“Yes it is,” the little girl replied directly into the preacher’s lapel microphone. “And Mommy says it’s a b---- to iron.”
I don’t think I ever embarrassed my parents with any profanity-laced remarks in public. If that ever took place, it was much later in life and they weren’t the ones to blame.
I did, however, reveal my parent’s late-night television viewing habits one time – in an unintentional way, of course – and the fact that I may have been viewing along with them.
I couldn’t have been four years old yet when my Sunday school teacher was telling the class about Peter denying Christ three times and the subsequent crowing of the rooster.
In an effort to see if the full implications the famous story made sense to us, the teacher asked for feed-back from the class.
“Jeffrey, why do you think Peter would do that to Jesus,” she asked. “What would make him say such things?
Instantly, I knew I had the right answer. I clasped my hands together, raised my eyebrows, squished my lips together and delivered a dead-on Church Lady impression the likes of which Dana Carvey himself would have been proud of.
“Could it be … SATAN,” I answered.
The teacher must have been a Saturday Night Live fan herself. She couldn’t help but smile. And in my defense, the answer was correct.
My brother delivered the punch line in a similar Sunday school story. This time, the teacher was helping her students memorize the books of the New Testament. When it was my brother’s turn to recite them orally he deviated just a bit from our traditional translation of the four Gospel accounts.
“Matthew … Mark … Luke … and heeeeeeeeeers Johnny,” he said.
The teacher cut him off before he could get to Acts.
Don’t let the late night TV renditions of Bible stories fool you. My parents ran a pretty tight ship when raising my brother and me. I guess “bed-time” was just one rule they had a hard time enforcing. It must have been easier to just let us sit quietly and watch Johnny Carson or SNL than it was to scream and holler for us to go to bed.
That reminds me of another bit of advice offered to us in the past few months.
“Choose your battles wisely.”
Jeffrey Jordan is the advertising director of The Terrell Tribune.
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